


It Will Never Be The Same

by seasaltisa



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Akusai Month 2019, I hope you all are ready for some ANGST, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, i don't really know what to tag this as, lovers to friends to enemies????, nothing graphic though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-17 22:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19964254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasaltisa/pseuds/seasaltisa
Summary: Akusai month prompt: can’t you pretend to love me this once?





	It Will Never Be The Same

**Author's Note:**

> okay so, I was supposed to post this yesterday? But I was on vacation so I kind of fell off the wagon haha. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this :) 
> 
> This was for Akusai month prompt: can't you pretend to love me this once?
> 
> This takes place somewhere after Isa had gotten his scar but before he was norted, because since I'm writing I make my own rules hahaha

“What is your problem?!” Axel yelled, slamming his hands against the wall as he pushed himself away from the blue haired man he had pressed against it. 

They had been at it for what felt like hours. Yelling and fighting with each other over the stupidest things, turns out even without a heart feelings got hurt somehow. 

“I’m not the one with a problem _Axel_. You seem to be the only one here having an issue.” Saïx spat back, turning his face to look away from the betrayed look on Axel’s face. 

“How is this not bothering you? We still can’t _feel_ anything.. it’s scaring me and you’re just-“

“You’re not actually scared Axel you can’t be scared anymore it’s nothing but a memory of how it _would_ feel. That will change soon though, once we get to Kingdom Hearts we will get our hearts back.” Saïx interrupted. 

Axel scoffed, shaking his head as he ran his hands up to his hair, tugging harshly at the bright red strands. “This is bullshit, you know it is. It’s been almost two years and what have we gotten out of this? Some scars and an empty promise of getting our hearts back?!” 

Saïx was quick to glare at Axel as he mentioned the scars, knowing exactly what one he was referring to with that statement. “We still haven’t figured everything out. We can get passed this, you and I.” 

“Why can’t we just leave? You and me.. we can get out of here and go live our lives..” 

“We can’t do that without a heart. What an empty life that would be. Staying with the organization is the easiest way to ensure we get them back.” An almost sad look fell over saix’s eyes and he let out a deep breath. This was going to work. It had to. “We have to stay apart from each other. Throw them off our tracks. No more meetings like this or they’ll suspect something.” 

Axel shook his head, biting his lip as he thought about what to say in response to that. “You still want to overthrow them, don’t you?” 

“It could be possible. If we played our cards right..” 

“They’d kill you if anyone found out.” Axel said quickly, fear in his tone as if saying it would make it come true somehow.

“Why do you say that as if it scares you? Losing me would have no effect on your current state.” 

Axel froze, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to process what had just been said to him. “How could you say that?” He stepped closer to Saïx once again, “I can’t lose you.. Isa, you’re all I have left. You know you mean the world to me.” 

“Don’t call me that.” Saïx was quick to snap, locking eyes with Axel as he stood above him, closer than he should have been. His tone shifted however, getting softer as he spoke, “I can’t _mean_ anything to you. You don’t have a heart anymore. You are not Lea. And I am not Isa.” 

Axel could tell he was breaking, that this whole situation was taking its toll on the both of them. Though Saïx was much better at hiding it than Axel was. Axel acted on impulse with anything he did. He had always been that way, even when they were human. Saïx on the other hand, was all logic. Isa had been the same. “You know that I still love you.”

“Stop.” 

“I do.. I could never stop loving you even with losing my heart. Isa I know that I do. I’m not pretending to feel it I _can_ feel it.” 

“You are pretending. You are not capable of feeling such a strong emotion without a heart Lea. We’re all pretending to feel and be human still.” Saïx said quickly, his tone growing sharper as he spoke. 

“Then why can’t you pretend to love me this once? Give me one last night with you.” Axel whispered, reaching his hand out to brush Saïx’s hair back. “If we’re going to do this, and I risk losing you.. I want to have one more night with you.” 

“It’s not going to feel the same. You know it won’t. W-We tried that before..” Saïx’s resolve was breaking and Axel could see it, Axel knew that Saïx was acting tough but he was struggling just as much. 

“I don’t care. Pretend it feels the same, like you said.” Axel mumbled, pressing his forehead to Saïx’s and closing his eyes, he could feel them stinging with tears. “Pretend to love me.. Isa.” 

Saïx reached his hands up, resting them on Axel’s cheeks as he squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his forehead back against the red heads. “Lea..” 

The rest of the night went with few words. Axel feeling everything and Saïx pretending he didn’t. Their gasps for each other filling the room as they relived old times. Afterwards, when Axel was curled into Saïx’s side, head resting on his chest as he listened for a heartbeat that wasn’t there, Saïx spoke again. “See. As I told you, it doesn’t feel the same.” 

Axel swallowed, closing his eyes as he tried to think of something to say, something to argue to tell him that, no. In fact it felt exactly the same. Axel still felt _everything_ for him. He felt every movement, every kiss, every whisper of his name that sounded like heaven coming from his lips. But he couldn’t find his words. And at that Saïx slipped out of his bed, leaving him alone for the night with nothing else. 

Eventually, Axel grew almost as cold as Saïx. He turned into the heartless nobody he was supposed to be. The plans to overthrow the organization started rolling. And Axel, the assassin, went along willingly with whatever Saïx had wanted. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) find me on tumblr @ seasaltisa and twitter @ seasaltsisa


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